Starting at a new school, particularly when it’s in a new area or a new country, can be traumatic, not only for the child but for the whole family. Fiona Leney has some practical advice on easing the transition.

While many parents look forward to the end of the summer holidays for a return to the order of daily routine and a release from childcare worries, for others – and their children – the date looms large and forbidding. Starting a new school, whether at home or abroad, can be one of the most stressful events a child faces.

“There’s a clear association between changing schools and an increased risk of behaviour problems,” says Dr Mona Mansour, an American paediatrician who has recently completed a study on the link between academic environment and children’s emotional welfare

Dr Mansour believes that the more frequently children change school, the greater the risk of behavioural issues. But both she and other child psychologists agree that there is a difference between multiple moves and the occasional wellplanned and supported change.

“If there is a clear logic to the move, such as the relocation of the family for work, and the child feels listened to and involved, it can be a strengthening experience,” she says.

Child psychologists agree that the most harmful situations can arise from school changes made by anxious parents in what they believe to be their child’s best interests.

“We see children who’ve been switched from state to private, from one private school to another, and then back again, because they have trouble settling. What the parents don’t realise is that they’re making the situation worse,” says Catherine Golding, an independent child psychologist who often has to deal with school-aversion issues.

This is an extreme, but, for many parents and children, the simple move up from the local primary to secondary is daunting enough to spoil the last weeks of summer. For those moving over the summer to a new school in a different part of the country, or abroad, the change, leaving behind friends with whom they may have started school six years before, can be traumatic.

Easing the transition
Relocating families moving area should try to time their move to give themselves as much time as possible in their new home before the start of the school year, so that the child can settle in before facing the first day at school. “Better for the child to navigate one transition at a time,” says Dr Mansour.

If the school provides parents with the names of children living in the same neighbourhood who will be in the same year, so much the better. Many international schools, sensitive to the issues of relocating families, will do this if asked.

You might recommend to parents that they enrol their children in the school’s holiday club to help them make friends before the new term starts. It’s good for parents’ networking, too.

Parents should make sure they have a full list of uniform required and allow plenty of time to get it. Nothing makes new children more uncomfortable than looking different from their classmates.

Another small but very helpful strategy, particularly for families moving to different countries, is to do some research on the sort of topics local children are likely to be chatting about – the most popular sport, the most widely supported teams, celebrities or television shows.

That sort of information could be an invaluable icebreaker at school, and a good local relocation agent can help with this. Most parents, whether relocating or not, will have visited any new school before their child starts, and schools generally hold introductory taster days for pupils. Every effort should be made so that the child can attend one, even if the family is not yet living in the area or country.

Teachers say it is impossible to overemphasise how important it is for both children and their parents to have some contact with the school before they start. If parents already know how the school day goes, what’s expected of their child and what the school will do to help a newcomer, they can reassure their child by making sure they have the knowledge they need.

It’s also vital to establish paths of communication with key teachers, such as the form tutor, housemaster and/or head, before any problem arises.

For families whose mother tongue is not English, and who are relocating to this country from abroad, the task can be overwhelming. For them, the likelihood is that an international school will be the best option, for the language help and multiculturalism that it offers.

How schools can help
Most international schools, such as TASIS, the American School in England, run a series of programmes to help new children and their families cope with the change and integrate into the school community.

The school’s Buddy Family Program encourages experienced families to contact new families even before they arrive. Both children and parents benefit from getting informal information about what to expect, and it means the children see a familiar face on that daunting first day.

When a move involves a change of language as well as location, international schools generally offer appropriate language support, too, and students’ cultural differences are celebrated in special activities.

But even if a school doesn’t offer all this, it still helps if it can assign a class ‘buddy’, or mentor, to the new student, to guide them through their first weeks.

Many of these tips would apply to a nursery child starting school for the first time, too, with the added proviso that small children need even more gentle-but-firm easing into the classroom. Parents who work should take time off, if necessary, to be able to accompany children into school and go with them to meet their teachers.

Some tears at the moment of separation are almost inevitable, warn early-years teachers, but it really is true that distraction, and the departure of the anxious parent, is the most effective way of drying them.

But it’s not only with small children that parents’ reactions are key. In some ways, teenagers, who are losing not only classmates but a whole social scene when they move school, can be even more vulnerable.

Standard advice to mobile executives is to consider carefully when and how you move your teenage children – for both academic and social reasons.

“Teenagers rely heavily on their contemporaries to give them their sense of identity,” says Catherine Golding. “They can feel extremely isolated in a new environment, and, if they feel they can’t communicate their fears and feelings to their parents, they can become severely depressed or anxious.”

Tips for parents
Parents can help by gently encouraging children to share their feelings – even the negative ones, and, advises Ms Golding, finding something to laugh about.

Encouraging children to socialise with others at school is also important, perhaps pushing them to join as many clubs as possible, even if they seem less than enthusiastic at first. At the same time, keeping in touch with old friends is no bad thing, as this can help make them feel more secure in their new environment.

Child psychologists also warn that regression to more childish behaviour, tears and tempers, or feeling ill and unable to go to school, are all common in every age group at times of change, and should pass if parents keep calm, listen, and try not to pass on their own anxiety.

Occasionally, children find the transfer to a new school just too much, and begin to show real dislike for the place. When this happens, it is important to find out from both the child and the school what is going on and what can be done to remedy the situation.

The child may be finding work overwhelming or boring, or the way in which teaching is delivered may simply be different from what he or she is used to. It is important to tackle this early, as some children end up playing truant or refusing to attend school if the problem is not resolved.

Both teachers and child psychologists advise parents not to assume that the settling-in process will be quick – it can range from a term, if all goes well, to a whole academic year. Be patient, they advise, and don’t rush to judgement.

Fortunately, cases of children never settling are extremely rare, and, with the right support, the overwhelming majority will grow and develop as a result of moving on.